Crazy Hobbies
What do you think of my new song lyrics?
Once again, it was late and i couldent get any sleep, so i decided to write a new song, im 16 and its an evolving hobby. Please give your honest opinions and constructive criticism. Atlantic Grace (1) Designer creatures hustle below my feet, birds flutter their words, screaming, deafening words. the sun dribbling, beneath the blackening clouds. I hope for a little more light, the horizon crumbles slowly out of sight. (2) The moonlight rocks me gently, giving into to the wicked, floorless sea.. crying into the magnificent skies, begging to set me free. chorus The salty wastes of Atlantic grace, bleeding crates of human trace. the warmth at daybreak, the bittersweet nightfall. I am floating in deaths arena, here is where I shall fall. laaaa,laaalalaa...llaaallalalaaa. (3)The clouds churn, and now the sun has burnt. The heavenly silence of the ocean nights sky, only remind me, I will surely die, oh, die. (4)My sunken body will descend into the blindness of the deep. never to be found, not a even a sound. just nothing....dead and gone. chorus The salty wastes of Atlantic grace, bleeding crates of human trace. the warmth at daybreak, the bittersweet nightfall. My soul now lives beyond the hellish clouds, the shoals of fish. Nowhere to be found. laaaa,lalalalal...lalallalalaa Solo (2-4 minutes)
Public Comments
- ummm ok.
- It's good very creative!!! I don't know what genra your going for, but i recommend like rock, it's kind of depressing and a bit dark, but it's good. :) great job!!
- well first off 'birds flutter their words, screaming, deafening words' just think of another word for words. sounds bad, same line even. secondly the larger issue, it sounds like you are using just a bunch of nice words but it doesn't really mean anything. songwriters have one job - to convey an emotion and to make the reader (listener) care. I do not care about what this is about, i suspect a lot of it is you wanting to use evocative words to charge my senses (clouds churn) (bleeding crates of human trace) but it doesn't do it for me. it isn't a poem, it's a song, try to make it have meaning and sound good.
