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How can I forge an identity for myself? While remaining grounded, how can I feel confident knowing who I am?

Knowing is hard for me. I am a twenty-nine-year-old white male from the suburbs. I reckon I am a bright, articulate individual with some insight into the arts and interested in pursuing some relevant creative hobby. My intellectual pursuits could be computers, psychology, or perhaps the film or literary worlds. I need to plant my feet firmly on the ground and go, but also to know what in my heart what I am. How ought I to represent myself? What can I do as a recluse in a small town in Canada whose mind I fill with all manners of strange ideas, thoughts and emotions? Is there any way I can snap out of the dazed sense of clouded confusion that hangs over me and is my own? Who am I and where I am going? What am I worth and what do I have in my heart? What are some techniques I can use to establish my own identity? How can I be a man? How does one handle this issue? Help!

Public Comments

1. Those feelings, ideas, pursuits, are a part of your identity. Having these keeps you grounded to who you are. My suggestion is to always remain the person that you are, authentic, real, and don't ever sell yourself short or sell yourself for the bigger dollar. If you remain real to yourself and stick to what your morals are you will be fine. Your morals and values are what you use as a compass through life. In order to be a man you must always be true to yourself and respect others. When you show that you respect other people and their ideas it doesn't mean you have to go along with it. It just means you know how to show respect. Respect is the biggest turn on.
2. Perhaps think about yourself long and hard. Asking others what they think of you can sometimes help. Think of the person you would want to be- look at a significant figure who could be famous for an example and strive to be that type of person. Knowing what type of person you want to be is helpfull. Remember all those famous people that came from small towns and did big things. It doesn't matter where you come from- the only thing that matters you as a person and your ideas etc. You've said that you are bright, which i guess is the first step. You seem to know that you have it in you- all you have to do is wake up and smell the roses- no one ever did anything great sitting at home. Get out there and make it big! Good Luck!
3. i think your problem is one that just about everyone shares, and the only answer i've ever found is not to worry about it. it's pretty great, actually. you are automatically who you are without even having to think about it. you like what you like, you think how you think. you sound like your feet are on the ground already, so pick a path and follow it. go to school, get a degree. you care, so as far as i can see, you are already a man, and you are worth more than you can ever know.
4. Self and identity has a special place in the study of human nature as self-concerns are arguably at the center of individuals' striving for well-being and for making sense of one's life. Life goals develop and are influenced by one's view of what one is like, the way one would ideally like to be (or would like to avoid being), as well as one's perceptions of what is feasible. Furthermore, conceptions of self and the world affect how one's progress towards these goals is monitored, evaluated, redirected, re-evaluated, and pursued again. Thus, the “self” as a construct has far-reaching implications for behavior, self-esteem, motivation, experience of emotions and the world more broadly, and hence for interpersonal relationships, society, and culture. Identity is not just what you know; it is also how you know. People are not born with an identity. Rather, identity is something that evolves over time. Young children have simple identities and see things in an overly simple, generally self-serving manner. Encourage your deepest heart feelings. There are many positive heart feelings including love, compassion, nonjudgment, courage, patience, sincerity, forgiveness, appreciation, gratitude, and care. Experiencing these feelings increases synchronization and coherence in our heart's rhythmic patterns. Each of these heart feelings has a powerful, beneficial effect on how we relate to life. 1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster). 2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?” 3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine. 4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose. That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.