Crazy Hobbies - I'm trying to write a book. It is a dramatic fiction book is my first couple of paragraphs good?

I'm trying to write a book. It is a dramatic fiction book is my first couple of paragraphs good?

She kissed me gently, and touched my wrist tenderly. I had never felt anything like this before. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly to me. She looked into my eyes and said “good bye.” It all started my last day of my freshman year of college at the University of Tennessee. I went to my last biology class, and couldn’t have been happier. “Blake, what’s going on man,” said Joey my fellow pre med classmate. I greeted him and told him about my plans for the summer break. I was excited to start my internship at the Kingsport Sun Times a small eastern Tennessee mountain town newspaper. Journalism had been a hobby of mine for sometime and I was happy to get a paying job at a newspaper for the summer. There is much more to the story i'm just wondering if you would be interested after reading this? Am I giving too much character info?

Public Comments

this must be a joke. if you are serious, no. it is not good.
You left it hanging! Where is the rest, I want a copy when it comes out! Good job!!!!
Looks good. If I were you, I might drop the last sentence, or combine the last two. Also, so far the character's life seems just about perfect. Are things going to take an unexpected twist? That would have to happen pretty soon (within the next few sentences) to hold my interest. Really, it looks good!
i want to read this when you finished writing it!! it looks good.. =D
You are an amateur and it shows. Dialog is always a new line, always. You also end sentences way too abruptly. Your first three sentences (possibly even the fourth) can be made into one and convey exactly the same thing. Does. It. Get. Annoying. If. I. End. Sentences. Like. This? That's what reading a story with too many short sentences is like.
Quite right Dan A. Incidentally "goodbye" is one word. Goodbye!
Don't worry about the grammar or spelling, that's what the wonderful thing called "Editing" is for. Now about your story, be careful, as has been said before, a to perfect life doesn't make an interesting story. Though if you were planning a little twist on the persons life, then that would be a whole different story. Just keep in mind, that to make a story interesting, you have to keep the reader guessing, that narrative hook is very enticing. If you threw in maybe like a little more about the beginning it would help the rest. For instance, describe the hook more, eventually tell who "she" is where "she" was going. Why she left, even.
Yes you are giving too much character info. Readers want to 'see' action in their heads, not plough through a long explanation of the background to the situation, so the best thing to do is drop details in subtly one at a time as they become important. Stay well away from phrases like 'It all started when...'! Also we don't want to hear that you 'told him all about your plans'; we wanna hear the plans for ourselves. If you wrote the conversation as a conversation we could start getting into the characters, and you could maybe give us some of those background details in a much more interesting way! This is how I would rewrite it, with comments on some finer points. She kissed me gently and touched my wrist. (Don't use too many adjectives in one sentence.) I had never felt anything like this before; (like what?) my heart was breaking. (All right, a bit of a cliche, but the readers want to feel your emotions, not just be told that they're quite strong. If i knew what was happening, I'd add a lot more emotional suspense here.) I held her tightly to me as she looked up into my eyes. "Goodbye." (Always start dialogue on a new line, and avoid 'he said/she said' as much as you can.) ....................................................................... I was grinning as I strode into my biology class - my last ever biology class. "Blake!" Joey shouted from across the room. "What's going on, man?" (OK, you don't need a new line if it's the same person continuing talking.) And so on... I hope I have helped. Keep it up - writing is all about practice, experience and editing, and even though the writing needs work you could still have a great story. There are loads of books out there about how to write - I've found them really helpful. Look at the link below for a few. http://www.amazon.com/Best-Books-about-Writing-Novels/lm/R1FU6QZUFUY9WG/ref=cm_lmt_fvlm_f_1_rlrsrs0 Good luck!