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Why do issues that are brought up with my husband ever get solved, "?

We are still fighting over the same issues that have been there since the very begining of our marriage -21 years. He is extremely evasive, and refuses to "get honest. I cannot get through to him no matter how long or how hard I try. He just doen't get it! He makes promises to change but soon he returns to business as usual. I feel sodisrespected.and invisable. He is not there for me, when I need him. Like a fair weather freind. Non supportive. He is evasive, cannot "get honest" and is like a part time husband that comes and goes like a ghost. Self centered and makes sure he gets his needs met first above all others. No companionship, when he is home he is addicted to the TV, on the weekend his hobbies take center stage.He treats me like an adversary. Not a partner for life. When he sees I am upset, he makes promises to change, but soon he goes back to business as usual. I am exhausted from this roller coaster ride. and feel so disrespected and sad. He acts like he is single

Public Comments

1. Sounds like you need to realize he isn't going to change. You say that yourself, except you aren't accepting it since you continue to be on him about it. It's not our place to change people. Either love him, or move on.
2. I think you need to GET HIS ATTENTION!!! Take him by the hand, sit him down, look into his eyes and tell him exactly what you are feeling.
3. I would say try counseling, although I feel that would be fruitless. Unfortunately you may have to consider divorce, if he's not an active paticipant in the relationship, it wont work, its not fair to you. Good Luck
4. I know just how you feel because I am in the same situation. When he sees that you are fed up he tells you whatever he has to in order to get you to feel better and have the belief that he will change. As soon as he feels things are back to normal he goes right on doing the same things as before. He has this idea in his head that you have been with him all this time and he has not changed so why should he change because you are still going to be with him. I think that you try and have another talk with him but this time tell him he has one option and that is to change and if he doesnt that you are leaving because you are tired of the back and forth game s that he is playing, After 21 yrs he should be willing to meet you half way to resolve this ongoing issue on your marriage.
5. He's not changing and is still the same person. Talk has not affected him... make a list of what has not worked with him. Remember that actions speak louder than words. I have a feeling if you left for a week on a vacation with some friends (surprise), that he wouldn't even miss you. That's not a healthy relationship, so consider if he loves you or if he just likes having a woman around to do stuff that needs to be done. In that case, he needs a maid. You have different needs emotionally. Do you want to die an old woman still miserable? Get going and change your life. Start taking classes, meeting new people, get some self-esteem, a career. Then file for divorce and find a real man!
6. I know the feeling, my husband is the same way. Only I don't get the promises that he will change. He is determined that he is the king of this castle and he doesn't have to change, that I'm being a nag when I want him to get his head out of the TV and computer games and spend some time with me and our 4 children. We've been married 18 years. We've had ups and downs, medical crisies, year long military separations. Sometimes the separations made the heart grow fonder and things were better for months after he got back. But the last one didn't do that for us, things got worse. Like you said he wants to live like he is single and I'm the maid service and the kids are toys on a shelf that will be there when he decides to play with them. Depends on how much you love the man that lives under that thick skull. I've been married to mine for 18 years. I can't say that I love him anymore, but if I do, it is a different kind of love, not the kind that sparkles. I think I just got used to him and the predictableness. We've formed a groove and sometimes it does have splinters. I try to remember how I felt for him when we were dating. How I tingled all over and got giddy when he came home from his training schools and deployments. I can't say that he'll even notice that you are gone if you took off for a week, but he might when he runs out of clean pants and is down to 2 Pepsis and a loaf of bread in the kitchen. Put your feelings down on paper, he might actually get the facts if he has to read them instead of tuning you out when you talk to him. Try counseling. My husband won't go and I finally gave up. He knows he's in the wrong and he doesn't want on more person telling him that I am right, he says. I've got 4 kids and I couldn't support them if I got divorced. I'm not angry enough with him to divorce him. He's just thick headed. He tells me that he loves me, but for me actions speak louder than words. We go out now and then when we can get a babysitter and we talk. That is the main thing that has worked is that if I got him out of the house, away from the TV, we could actually talk with each other. But it does cost me a lot in dinners because he wants to go out to eat for these dates. That's the only suggestion I could make that has worked for us, even if it is a headache in between.
7. Is it time for an ultimatum? Sounds like it is... make marriage counseling that ultimatum. it costs a lot...but 21 years of your life was priceless....